The Dark Knight

He said he stopped being scared of death
When she was born
She made him immortal, he said.

He thought of this when he realised he was dying
And he felt relief.
He had been sick for months
For years maybe
He couldn't find anything to take the pain away
He tried thinking of her
And it helped a little
He tried calling her
And that helped a lot
But they were far
And he was there
Alone
In Brooklyn.

On the other side of the wall
His neighbours were watching TV
They were far away too
Too far to help
He was too far gone
The nausea had gone
So had the sweating
And the shakes
He couldn't speak any more
He couldn't move
His body had given in to the drugs
He was beat
Gone
And he knew it.
How long have I got left, he wondered.
He estimated 15 minutes
Maybe less
He divided that time
That he thought he had left
Into parcels of time
A parcel for each one of his loved ones
Two minutes for his mother
A high school teacher
He tried not to think of how devastated she would be
Two minutes for his father
A racing car driver and an engineer
Sorry Dad, he thought
Two minutes for his sister
A movie star, just like he was
Two minutes for Michelle
The mother of his baby daughter
And two minutes for Mary-Kate
Who was trying to fill the hole Michelle left when she went away
That left five whole minutes
For his darling Matilda Rose
Just two years old
So sweet
So blond
So lovely
So innocent
If his body could have cried, he would have
Knowing she will never know him
But he comforted himself knowing that he would live on in her
A Catch-22, he said
An interesting kind of little set-up
And he felt better about dying
But just before his heart stopped
While his hot blood was still pumping through his still alive body
He had a terrible thought
What if something happened to Matilda Rose
What if she got killed crossing the road
Or by something stupidly unnecessary
Like swallowing weed killer
Before she grows up
What if some teenage fuck-up shoots her dead at school
Or she boards a plane destined to crash
Worse still, he thought
What is she's like her Dad
And she kills herself before her time
If she dies childless what happens to me?
And he imagined the cold, harsh shriek of his soul as it was extinguished
And he thought that maybe it would have been better
To have lived